What If “I’m Proud Of You” Isn’t What They Need To Hear?
I went to say it the other day—“I’m proud of you.”
And something about it felt off.
Not wrong, not bad… just not quite aligned.
So I paused. Got curious. And then the lightbulb went off: Saying “I’m proud of you” can carry this tiny thread of hierarchy… like I’m looking down on someone rather than standing with them. It places me in the role of evaluator, even when my heart is just bursting with love and admiration.
Sometimes it fits. But sometimes, it doesn’t hit the way I mean it to. Because what I really mean in those moments isn’t that I’m proud of you—it’s that:
✨ I see your growth.
✨ I admire your courage.
✨ I’m inspired by the way you’re showing up for yourself.
That’s the shift that hit me: pride can come from beside.
It’s a subtle difference—but it’s powerful. Especially when you're someone who deeply values autonomy, self-leadership, and inner power (like I do… and like so many of you do too).
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately in quiet moments—watching someone I love take a big step in their life or career, cheering on a friend for how she handled something hard, witnessing clients break patterns they’ve carried for years.
It’s in those moments where I feel this deep, grounded yes in my body—not because I’m evaluating their success, but because I’m witnessing their alignment.
So now I’m playing with new ways to express that feeling—without unintentionally reinforcing the idea that someone else’s progress needs to be approved by anyone but themselves.
And I’d love to hear from you:
👉 How do you feel when someone says “I’m proud of you”?
👉 What do you want to hear instead when you’re doing something hard or brave or soul-expanding?
Let’s open up this conversation—because language matters. And when we get intentional with our words, we create even deeper connections.
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